Crazy, Funny, Hilarious, Awesome, Cool Wedding Wishes & Quotes
You may be married, but you don‘t have to grow up! Congratulations on your wedding!
He promises you heaven and earth before your wedding; afterwards, he can’t even afford to give up his salary for you. Congratulations anyway.
You will have moments when you really love each other, then there will be the rest of the time.
In marriage, love and laughter comes before blaming and shouting. Be prepared.
Marriage begets a child, be sure to get pregnant before marriage. Best wishes.
So you got a set of golf clubs for your husband? Great trade.
Getting married is like killing yourself. Why the lavish wedding when you can simply hang yourself. Happy Wedding!
The only difference between marriage and stupidity is that marriage is expensive while stupidity comes free of cost. Congratulations for being expensively stupid.
I am happy that you are getting married, but does that mean I have to buy two birthday gifts every year instead of one?
Here’s the number one rule for women: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have some trouble with it.
“A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” ~ James H. Boren
I cancelled all my appointments and an important meeting just so that I could make it to your wedding. After all, free food and booze was just too lucrative to give up. Congratulations.
“Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” ~ Gene Perret
Are you sure you want to sign that Marriage Contract? It doesn’t have any expiration.
“Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” ~ Mark Twain
“Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” ~ Anonymous
Wishing you a house full of sunshine, two hearts full of cheer, and a love that grows deeper each day of the year.
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein
There is nothing worse than a friend getting married. Now my parents have one more reason to coax me into getting married. Congratulations.
Knowing the entrepreneurial couple that you are, I was wondering if you could give me some insider tips so I can place my bets on how long you both will last? Congratulations for getting hitched.
The only difference between marriage and stupidity is that marriage is expensive while stupidity comes free of cost.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Gedding married means sharing your toys…
On this beautiful occasion where your two souls unite, may your love and affection for each other never fade away. Have a wonderful married life. Congratulations.
Come on dude, getting married isn’t that bad. It’s being married that sucks.
Being married is like killing yourself. Why spend a lot on the ceremony while you can just hang yourself. Happy Wedding!
If you are not going to put on a life jacket before taking the plunge, at least take swimming lessons.
The best part about your wedding is that it gives me many more parties to look forward to in the next few years – a party for your first anniversary, new home, new baby and your partner’s birthday. Congratulations buddy.
Deciding to leave a happy and free life without any lifetime commitment Is just the first sacrifice of a person who will get marry. Be prepared for more that will come. Congratulations anyway!
Bride: “I do!” Groom: “I do what she says…”
Some people say that wedding is symbolic of a guys transition into becoming a man. I say it is symbolic of the end of a fun bachelor life and the beginning of a boring married life. Either way, congratulations buddy.
No amount of heartfelt congratulatory wishes that I give you on your wedding will protect you from the painful life of slavery you are about to start as a husband. Congratulations anyway.
Walking down the aisle on your wedding marks your first step in walking towards a hurricane called Marriage. Good luck.
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire
May you find peacefulness, beauty, challenge, satisfaction, humor, insight, healing and renewal, love, and wisdom in your life together. Congratulations on your marriage.
Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I Accept checkbox while installing new software in your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next.
You dreamed of nothing but all the beautiful things for your entire lifetime together. Soon, you will dream of parting ways and living happily on your own. Just kidding. Be happy.
Congratulations for the happiness you have been enjoying because after today you will have none.
Congratulations on a marriage—where every “yes” you say actually means “no.”
Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match. Wishing you the very best of everything anyway.
A couple’s life cycle consists of various stages including dating, loving, marrying, fighting, threatening and possibly even divorcing. Congratulations for reaching step number three.
Here’s a little tip for the bride and groom: Be careful springing on the bed springs this spring, or there might be a surprise offspring next spring.
Marriage is a give and take. So, you’d better give her everything or she’ll take it all away.
Wishing you a life of happiness and bliss. To be loved is to be rich. Now, seal it with a kiss!
All your children but one will grow up and move away—your husband.
Some future advice for the Groom: the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it… once!
“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” ~ Paul Sweeney
Wait! Do you really want to sign that marriage contract knowing that it has no expiration period? Enjoy your wedding.
The innocence of newlyweds is really something. Everyone tries to find out the secret to a happy marriage, only to later find that the only secret is that there is no such thing as a happy marriage.
No amount of wishes or luck will protect you from the painful life of slavery you are about to start as a husband. Congratulations anyway.
Married men live longer than single men. They’re just a lot more willing to die.
Wedding; one of the biggest expense of your life which marks the beginning of many more expenses including shopping, gifts, day care, schooling for children and possibly even alimony. Good luck to you.
Your wedding wows are actually an unsaid contract in which you agree to be tied down to your spouse all your life. Congrats buddy.
Now that you are married, you must master the art of saying yes when you actually want to say no. Congratulations.
Walking down the aisle on your wedding marks your first step in walking towards a hurricane called Marriage. Good luck.
May you have a happy married life and beautiful family, just the way God wants you to. Live long and prosper.
Marriage is so beautiful that you have finally found that one person you want to annoy all through your life.
Before marriage – fun in bed. After marriage – fight in bed.
The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing. Then, they marry him.
Your wedding wows are actually an unsaid contract in which you agree to be tied down to your spouse all your life. Congrats buddy.
Before you get married, you will be madly in love with each other. After you get married, you will just be mad at each other. Congratulations.
Marriage is bliss, but so is ignorance.
There is nothing worse than a friend getting married. Now my parents have one more reason to coax me hitched too. Congratulations.
Love is the sun that initiates emergence of the flower of marriage; soon the lovebirds will draw swords of never-ending war. Love anyway. Best Wishes.
As you walk down the aisle, don’t be nervous about saying ‘I do’ because you don’t have a choice anyways. Good luck and congratulations.
Getting married is all fine and dandy but the fastest way to his heart is through his chest with a sharp knife.
Do not marry until you are pregnant. Best wishes my friend!
May the love that the two of you have for each other also strengthen the friendship among you both. Here’s to a happy marriage!
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~Simone Signoret
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Marriages are all about sacrifice, hardships and letting go. Are you really sure you want to get married?
As you wed today, here’s my advice for the newlyweds – stay married! The best is yet to be!
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” ~Peter De Vries
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you want, go marry a car battery.
It is nice to see that you are so excited and wearing the sweetest smile while signing your Marriage Contract. Soon you will wear the same smile and excitement again when you sign your annulment papers.
On your wedding day today, you have now become two from one. Does that mean I will get two birthday gifts from you both every year?
You have nothing but words of praises for your love. You will soon hear yourself saying all the bad things that you can say for him. Have a Happy Wedding!
Cupid may have shot the arrow of love, but who is shoot the arrow to prevent fights after marriage? Good luck to you.
The person who refused to take a holiday with his friends because it was too expensive, is now blowing up all his money on his grand wedding. Welcome to married life buddy. Congratulations.
May you be as rich in life as you are in love. Have a wonderful wedding.
Marriage is happiness times two, anger times two and frustrations times three. (The third comes in when her best friend is called).
“Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” ~ Finnish Proverb
As a married man, it won’t matter how many times you change jobs. You still always end up with the same boss.
On your special day, dear friend, I wish you all the happiness in the world, everlasting love, and togetherness forever.
Some people marry for love. Some people marry for money. Some people just like getting gravy boats and other useless pieces of china.
Happy married life. I hope he treats you and stays by you the way he does when he was your boyfriend. Good luck.
Two souls with but a single thought; two hearts that beat as one.
The best way to resolve an argument with your husband is to start removing clothing.
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it deserves all the consequences.
A woman makes a man complete. After the wedding he is finished. Congratulations, though.
Congratulations for signing up for marriage – the most amazing way how love fuelled cuddles morph into anger fuelled arguments.
Are you ready for him? Though he promises to lay down his life for you but after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. Good Luck.
Remember: Men want the same thing from their woman that they do from their underwear. A little support and a little freedom.
Marriage is medicine to a blind love. May you find real antidote in your marriage Congratulations!
The fundamental of marriage is mutual understanding; soon this is what you will lack. Happy married life.
May you always feel that what you have is enough. Congratulations and best of luck on a beautiful life together!
I’ll tell you the secret of a happy marriage. It remains…a secret to all! Wishing you all the best for the times ahead!
You fantasize about lovely and beautiful things for your marriage, soon you will dream about living alone surrounded with motionless hands of time. Just kidding. Enjoy your wedding.
Congratulations for embarking on life’s journey called MARRIAGE which is either a two way street between COMPROMISE and SACRIFICE or a one way street to DIVORCE.
After your wedding, your relationship status on Facebook will change from single to married while your real life’s status will change from being available to being always busy. Congratulations.
Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will’be be mad at each other as well.
Congratulations! Remember that a man is incomplete without a woman, but when his wedding is over, he is finished.
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
Marriage doesn’t mean you own the person (just all their stuff).
At first, both of you are madly in love.Later on, you will find yourself in the middle of a never-ending war.
Congratulations on your wedding day… I haven’t bothered buying you both a present. It would just be something else to fight over when you get divorced!
Wedding – one of the biggest expense of your life which marks the beginning of many more expenses including shopping, gifts, day care, schooling for children and possibly even alimony. Good luck to you.
On this special day of your wedding we want to wish you happiness and love like the unending circle of your wedding ring.
As you get married to him, remember that you are exchanging the attention of many men for his inattention.
Thank God you are finally married; give her everything or she will take all herself. Congratulations!
I know I am going to have an awesome time attending your wedding because I will be reminded of all the money I will be saving by not getting married. Congratulations.
When you think you’re about to marry Ms. Right, check first to make sure her first name isn’t “Always.”
May your home be filled with laughter and the warm embrace of a summer day.
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ~ Andre Maurois
Congratulations – you have just committed to being annoyed, irritated and screamed at by one person for an entire lifetime.
Today is going to be a day that you shall never forget. Make the most of it. Congratulations on your marriage!
Getting married is like becoming a child all over again. Be prepared to learn where to put your towel, how to keep the bathroom clean and organizing your clothes in the closet. Congratulations.
Your wife complements you perfectly. She shadows all your flaws and accentuates your qualities. Now we know why you decided to get married. Congratulations.
Rule number one once married, do not talk to people of the opposite sex naked.
You got together like two beans in a pod! Joy forever!
Sincere and loving words at first. Afterwards, it is shouting and blaming.
In life we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage it‘s better to close them! Congratulations and Good Luck!
A couples life cycle consists of various stages including dating, loving, marrying, fighting, threatening and divorcing. Congratulations for reaching step number three.
our wedding signals the change of status in your life. Your relationship status on Facebook will change from single to married while your real life’s status will change from being available to being busy. Congratulations.
I cancelled all my appointments and an important meeting just so that I could make it to your wedding. After all, free booze was just too lucrative to give up. Congratulations.
Remember: Marrying Mr. Right doesn’t mean that he always is.
Marriage is the juncture where SPENDING TIME WITH FRIENDS morphs from being a reality into being a wishful dream.
Welcome to prison. Congratulations.
You haven’t just tied the knot with your wife today, you have invariably tied chains on your legs too. Congratulations.
Whenever you find a man that will make a good husband, chances are that he already is.
Marriage ain’t for sissies! Gongrats on your first big step together.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
They say that marriage is a great institution. And much like many types of institutions, you need to be crazy to get into it.
Now that you are married, you must master the art of saying yes when you actually want to say no. Congratulations on your wedding.
You loved yourselves and are so happy to be together; soon you will realize that all you do is annoy each other. Congratulations.
Every woman should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Now that you are married, you must master the art of saying yes when you actually want to say no. Congratulations on your wedding.
May the years ahead be filled with lasting joy. Congratulations to a couple whose match truly seems made in heaven!
Marriage is hot until you become hotheaded all the time with your partner.
It is true: All men are born free and equal. But then some of them get married.
Ensure that you grab classy wedding ring so that you can recreate it in due time. Congratulations!
To the dear couple, as you look forward to all you’re dreaming of, may you be blessed with love and happiness forever!
Getting married is like becoming a child all over again. Be prepared to learn where to put your towel, how to keep the bathroom clean and organizing your clothes in the closet. Congratulations.
Congratulations – you just paid for a whole bunch of your friends and family to have the biggest party of their lives.
Bride, your husband’s bank account is now in your palm; groom, be prepared. Happy married life.
As you walk down the aisle, dont be nervous about saying I do because you dont have a choice anyways. Good luck and congratulations.
Do you know what late nights, parties and weekend hanging out with friends have in common? You won’t have all of them from now on… 🙂
Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations.
Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I Accept checkbox while installing new software in your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next. Congratulations on getting married.
Marriage is a prison. Welcome to its seclusion. Congratulations anyway.
May your wedding rings represent a long, never-ending cycle of love and prosperity.
At first, sweet moments, kisses and hugs fill the air; soon the sweet nothings and lovely whispers give room for arguments which disappear for quarrel and total war. Congratulations!
“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergmen
May your joys be as bright as the morning, your years of happiness as numerous as the stars in the heavens, and your troubles but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love.
May your marriage be filled with all the right ingredients: a heap of love, a dash of humor, a whole cup of romance, and a spoonful of understanding. May your joy last forever. Congratulations!
Today I have realized that life is not fair for single people like me. Until now I had to buy you a gift only once a year on your birthday. Now I have two birthdays plus a wedding anniversary to buy gifts for. Congratulations to my best friend for getting married.
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
Congratulations for finally tying the knot on your necks. Best wishes to you!
All weddings are happy. It’s living together afterwards that’s difficult!
“To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” ~Marnie Reed Crowell
“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
Congratulations for finally succumbing to life’s biggest myth – a successful marriage.
“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” ~ anonymous
I don’t mean to be the party pooper but I must warn you to gear up to live a life in which you will have to do all the things that you never dreamt of doing – sharing the TV remote, cleaning the house, putting your towel for a wash and asking for permission before going out. Congratulations.
Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will’be be mad at each other as well.
“Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I’m going to have lunch and the rest of my life with.” ~ Jason Barmer
You haven’t just tied the knot with your wife today, you have tied ropes on your legs too. Congratulations on your wedding.
Now that you are married, it matters no more how many jobs you change, you simply will never change your only and one boss.
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” ~ Robert Fulghum, True Love
Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. It‘s too late to repent! Have an amazing journey!
You are about to witness the life’s biggest miracle – it is amazing how you will manage to live with a person with whom you fight, argue and quarrel on a daily basis. Congratulations for finding your miracle.
Do you know what late nights, parties and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those from now on. Congratulations for your wedding.
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~ Judith Viorst
If you need to transfer your fund faster than electronic banking, get married. Congratulations!
Keep rocking! I hope your love and desire for one another will be strong as when you are dating. Good luck.
To love and be loved is the pinnacle of happiness and riches. May you never lose sight of this precious treasure in all your days together.
Your must be a dupe for getting betrothed to him; he must be madly in love not to recognize it.
The only one of your children that does not grow up and move away is your husband.
It’s so wonderful seeing you awash with sweet smiles as you sign your marriage contract, soon you will wear same smiles as you sign your annulment papers. Congratulations anyway.
Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you’ll fall forever.
On your wedding day today, you have now become two from one. Does that mean I will get two birthday gifts from you every year? Congratulations for getting married.
Some people say that a wedding is symbolic of a guy’s transition into becoming a man. I say it is symbolic of the end of a fun bachelor life and the beginning of a boring married life. Either way, wish you all the best.
I told you never to get married, but you will never listen. Congratulations!
Leaving freely and happily without any life commitment is the first sacrifice made by anyone getting ready to marry. Warm up for the greater is yet to come. Best Wishes.
As you become husband and wife, prepare to welcome a lot of strife. Each others faults you will point out, you will fight and argue without a doubt. Don’t even bother trying to find a solution, this is marriage – life’s toughest institution. Congratulations.
May God bless the two of you abundantly. May love reign in your lives forever. Have a great married life.
Marriage is the process of finding out what form of person your spouse would have really preferred.
Being married is like any other job; it helps if you like your boss!
In the circus of life, you may have lived like a lion so far. But your wife, the new circus master will tame you into a domesticated cat in no time. Good luck for your tight rope act.
Wishing you all the happiness there is; and as you both live out your lives together, may they be entwined as you grow old together.
Your wedding wows are actually an unsaid contract in which you agree to be tied down to your spouse all your life. Congratulations.
I’ll tell you the secret of a happy marriage. It remains… a secret to all! Wishing you all the best for the times ahead!
Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?! Just kidding! Hope your wedding finds you smiling 🙂
“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
I wanted to get you a life preserver as a wedding gift just in case.
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson
Stay in love, stay married, stay hopeful, most of all, stay together – divorce is too expensive.
“We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” ~ Jacques Maritain
“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
Marriage is the second most important decision any two people can make. The first is a prenuptial one.
Your match wasn’t made in heaven. It was made in my bedroom that you two used so often. Congratulations to my best buddies for getting married.
Married life is the perfect proof of the fact that love is truly blind. The fights and arguments after your wedding will make you wonder why you thought it was a good idea in the first place.
Do you know that you are signing a marriage contract which does not give you the option of renewing it every year? Congratulations for signing your life away.
Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations.
Congratulations for your marriage, after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Today, I wish you all the happiness in the world because after today, you will have none.
Before you got married, you caught her in your arms. Now make sure you don’t catch her in your pockets.
Congrats for signing your life away…
Instead of getting married, why don’t you just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house.
You havent just tied the knot with your wife today, you have tied ropes on your legs too. Congratulations on your wedding.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
The best part about your wedding is that it gives me many more parties to look forward to in the next few years, a party for your first anniversary, new home, new baby and your partners birthday. Congratulations buddy.
Be sure to pick the most expensive wedding ring so that you can pawn it when a need arises. Happy Wedding!
There’s only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.
2 become 1: one bed, one remote, one bathroom! Congratulations on your union as life partners!
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Couples get a big surprise after getting married because they fail to figure out life’s biggest mystery – when two become one, halved is the fun.
“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” ~ Anne Taylor Fleming
No amount of heartfelt congratulatory wishes that I give you on your wedding will protect you from the painful life of slavery you are about to start as a husband. Congratulations anyway.
